Becoming a Birth Parent

There are several things I am thankful of every day. The list becomes longer and longer as I grow older, but a lot of them stem from a moments in a hospital room. One of those moments is the one where I heard about open adoption. When I first decided that my child should be adopted, I wanted a closed adoption. Now, looking back, I am so thankful that someone told me about open adoption, because my son is the first thing I am thankful of every day.

The nurses asked me a few times if I would like to hold him, and all day I didn't know. I felt like I shouldn't hold him, because he wasn't going to be my child. But when it actually happened, I knew I wanted to hold him. There wasn't going to be a moment in my life when he wasn't my child. Just because he was also going to be someone else's child didn't change that he was part of me. That he would always be part of me.

His parents are wonderful people. They are fantastic parents, and tremendous individuals. They are also on the list of things I am thankful for everyday, as is his older brother, who is amazing! I know that they want the same things I want for Anthony. There isn't a moment that I don't know that Anthony is so lucky because he has plenty of people who love him and want the best for him.

Being a birth parent is something that has changed me in so many ways. It's taught me a great deal about who a person is, and what makes them who they are. I know that my son will always know where he came from and knows how much I love him. But I also know that he will grow up with parents who love him, and were ready to be parents. I helped a family to grow, and being part of that is something I am thankful for as well.

People often ask me if I regret my decision, or if I miss my son. I always say YES, I miss my son everyday. But I also say, look at what I have, look at what I did. Look at how happy and healthy and smart and beautiful he is! Knowing that, and knowing all the other things that are reasons to be thankful, No, I don't regret my decision. It wasn't easy. I won't say I didn't wish things were different, but I know that what happened was right. It was good. Loving someone means loving them. . .love isn't always easy. Sometimes it's hard, but if you really love someone, doing the right thing is the only option.