Hello, my name is Monica Joy and I am gonna tell you my story about open adoption…. Open is adoption is awesome because I get to have a relationship with my little one still. I think the most important thing in open adoption is that the child knows from a very early on age that he/she is adopted. For example, I was with Alice, my daughter at my last visit and we were talking about how big she has gotten. I was telling her how small she was just three years ago. She then looked at me and said, “I know where I came from, I came from your tummy.’ She was pointing to my tummy. It was the best thing my daughter could probably ever say to me, besides her saying she loves me. But she is always saying that to me. It warms my heart when she says I love you. I love my daughter so much that “giving” her to a loving family was the best thing I could do for her. Notice how I said, “giving” and not “putting her up for adoption.” For me to say giving, I feel as though I have a choice in this also. I think sometimes as birthmoms we get so caught up in people telling us that we have to put up our child for adoption, that it makes it sound like something I have no choice in. So this is why I say, “giving.” Open adoption is just exactly what it is. It’s an open relationship between the birthmom and the family. Open means that we both as a group have decided that the birthmom will be apart of the child life. I, as a birthmom am very adamant about open adoption. I want my daughter to know where she came from and why she was given to a family and not stayed with me. Open adoption benefits the birthmom, child and the adoptive parents. I couldn’t imagine carrying my daughter for 9 months and giving birth to her, then just handing her over to a random family and walking away—not knowing how she is doing, where she lives, what she likes, how she looks would totally kill me. That to me is more devastating than to have my adoptive parents for her take her home from the hospital while I stayed there. It is still hard, but open adoption is so worth it. With in a week I was able to see my daughter again. In choosing open adoption, I realize that I am still a part of my daughter’s life. Not as often as I would like, but I am confident that the plan that my daughters parents and I choose is the best for my daughter, and works with me. I said the best for my daughter because it has to be about her. As a birthmom I want to see my daughter everyday if I could, but then the bond between my daughter and her parents would not be as strong as it is now. The plan that we have works with me because I get to see my daughter every three months, and get pictures and sometimes get to talk to her on the phone. I need to remember that when I am missing my daughter, she is not far. I choose to give her to a loving family. I at the time couldn’t have kept her and done such an amazing job as her parents are doing with her. Do I miss her, ABSOLUTELY, ask me if I regret my decision to do open adoption, NOPE!!! NOT EVEN A DOUBT IN MY MIND. Open adoption is beneficial to the birthmom, child and adopted parents. I want to thank Adopt international for all they have done for me and my daughter and her family. They truly know the meaning of open adoption and making it work for us all.

by Monica Joy on Sunday, 06 November 2011