Open adoption means that birth parents select the adoptive family and have the option to stay in contact with them. Openness can take shape in all sorts of ways, but the most common are the exchange of pictures and letters, phone calls and visits. Our agency will help the birth family and the adoptive family make an agreement about how often these exchanges happen, but the intention is always to keep the best interest of the child as the priority. In California, the birth parent/s have the option to make this agreement legally binding, however, in developing a trusting relationship, many birth families feel comfortable with a verbal agreement.

Open Adoption Research Says…

Adoptions used to look a lot different 30 years ago. The way we do adoptions today is in large part thanks to stories of past adoptions and the multitude of research projects that have definitively showed that open adoption is not only best for adopted children, but also for birth and adoptive parents. Open adoption allows grieving birth mothers to rest assured in their child’s well-being while adoptive families to have access to important health information, family history and personal knowledge of traits and talents that may be genetically inherited. The children do much better by having that piece of their life’s story filled in. That being said, it is totally normal and even expected to have anxiety about open adoption at first. Here’s how we can help:

In our large adoption family, there are many people that have shared your concerns and have come through the process with a whole new perspective. Their stories can be invaluable in helping you overcome your own worries. So whether you want to talk to the adoptive parents that have been in your shoes, hear from the birth parents on why they wanted an open adoption or be connected to teens and young-adult adoptees that have open adoptions, we can make that happen. We can also guide you to research, readings and local conferences to gain more knowledge.

While we’re at it, lets set the record straight on some popular adoption folklore.

Myths on Open Adoption

MYTH: Birth parents can show up anytime to reclaim their children
This is absolutely not true. Generally in California, it only takes about two weeks after the baby is in your home for the mother’s relinquishment to be legally binding. In Hawaii, it is binding once the baby has been placed and the relinquishment is signed.

MYTH: In an open adoption, birth mom’s show up unannounced
Really, this only happens on T.V. Would you drop in unannounced? No, and your birth mom won’t either. Just because you have an open adoption, doesn’t mean their aren’t appropriate boundaries in place, as with any relationship.

MYTH: Open adoption is confusing for children
Really, it’s not. Adoptees are not confused by contact with their birth parents. Rather, they benefit from the increased understanding that their birth parents gave them life but their adoptive families are forever.

MYTH: Adopted children are more likely to be troubled than birth children
Wrong. Research shows that adoptees are as well-adjusted as their non-adopted peers. There is virtually no difference in psychological functioning.

MYTH: Birth moms are all troubled teens
Most of our birth parents are in their early 20s, often single and parenting other children and/or pursuing jobs or higher education. It generally takes a lot of maturity and of course courage to make the adoption decision because they want better lives for their children. That being said, we work with women of all ages, ethnicities, backgrounds, and situations.

MYTH: Wait to tell your child they are adopted until they can understand what adoption is
NO NO NO!! You should start telling your child their open adoption story from day one, so when their understanding catches up, you have already perfected the words. Otherwise, children may wonder what else you haven’t told them or feel unnecessary guilt or shame. There are tons of fabulous children’s books that can help your child understand and love the different ways families are made—we will show you and teach you about many of our favorites in the ‘Attachment in Adoption Seminar.’ But first, parents should do some of their own reading first.

Suggested Books For Adoptive Parents

The Open Adoption Experience by Lois Melina

Dear Birth Mother by Kathleen Silber and Phyllis Speedlin

The Spirit of Open Adoption by James L. Gritter

Making Room in Our Hearts by Micky Duxbury

Suggested Children’s Books

Tell Me Again About The Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis