What We've Been Up To

An Adoptee's Blog

My name is Jessica. I'm a senior in high school and as my senior project I decided to intern at Adopt International in hopes of better understanding the adoption process. I was adopted from Texas when I was three days old and brought to San Francisco, California. Part of my project is to blog about my experience interning and you can find it at http://acloserlookatadoption.blogspot.com/.

Here is a sample of one of my recent posts.  

Meeting my birth mother was the hardest and simultaneously the most rewarding event of my life. I was adopted by an incredibly loving family from San Francisco, California, who would raise me over the next seventeen years alongside their own child, Kyra. To me they were my family. My parents have always supported my sister and me in our endeavors and we’re always laughing about something. I knew how much they loved me and I never doubted their love. But I could not help but wonder where I came from. I wanted a bit of context to my life, and I wanted to know the small things. Did I share habits with my mother? Did I look like her?How would I develop over time? Without knowing these simple details I couldn’t help but feel slightly detached from my adoptive family. Above all, I wanted to know the story behind my adoption. I have never regretted my time with my family, but I sought to understand what choices brought me to them. I convinced myself that in order to feel closer to my family I first needed to understand myself. I was right, in a way. When I met Patricia I gained a new aspect of my self-identity. I also came to learn the true meaning of family.

When I met my birthmother this past summer, it wasn’t exactly the scene straight from a Disney channel movie I had imagined it would be. There were no tears, no one fainted and I didn’t fling myself into her awaiting arms. In fact, it was a bit anticlimactic. She was middleaged with thinning hair and a bit of extra weight around the middle. She didn’t seem to resemble me in the slightest, as I’d thought she might. The only commonality I saw between us was the bubbly excitement that she seemed to exude. Her home was small and set in the middle of a large plot of land where she and her husband raised horses and a number of dogs. From the of front the road the land didn’t look very promising and it was at this point that I could sense both my parents get a bit tense. The house was very different from my own in Mill Valley, but it was cozy and filled with welcoming family membersall waiting anxiously to greet me. Once everyone had gone, Pat and I sat down to talk.

Meeting Patricia was the most nerve racking experience I’ve everhad. I’m proud that I was brave enough to go through with it. I had been scared about how I might be received, especially as I was a product of a liberal Bay Area family visiting my roots in conservative West Texas. At first when we began to talk I was jittery and nervous, but as time went on I came to see that there was nothing to be anxious about. She had made mistakes in her life, but frankly who hasn’t? She explained to me the situation she was in when she put me up for adoption. This helped because when I was younger I had always felt like it was my fault that she had given me up. Though I certainly was not under that impression any more, hearing her tell me was reassuring. By the end of our time together I was left feeling content and loved by both families. I felt lucky that I had two groups of people who clearly wanted the best for me. Perhaps more importantly, I felt like I finally had some context to my life. When I was younger, I never felt like I had an adequate explanation of where I came from. There was something about knowing my roots that comforted me. I had always hated those elementary school projects that focused upon one’s family tree. I felt like I was cheating by using my adoptive parent’s ancestors. Now when people asked me if I had ever met my birth mother, I can say yes and tell them all about her.

While meeting Patricia helped fill a part of me that had been missing, I learned a much more important lesson from the experience and it was this: A family is a group of people who loveyou and will always take care of you regardless of whether or not you share genes with them. I came back from that trip so much more thankful that my mother and father adopted me. They provided me with a very good education, gave me international experiences that I could have never had if Patricia had kept me and, most importantly, they were there for me through thick and thin. Mom and dad had changed my diapers and held me when I cried. They nursed me when I was sick and helped me when I was learning to read. They had taught me morals and had given me the tools I needed in order to become the bright young woman I am today. Sitting on that plane ride home I couldn’t help but think about what life might have been like had they not adopted me. The irony of my visit to Patricia’s, and my quest for a deeper understanding of my past, was that it made me feel even more a part of my family. I left for Texas seeking to understand my difference, and yet I came back to San Francisco feeling more at home than ever.

There was a lot of love at the Love Party this year!

Birth Parent Support

Click below to Read the Archives of What We've Been Up To

Message from Lisa Clark, Assistant Director

Current Options for Haitian Children

Adopt was on MTV

NOVEMBER 14, 2009

Family to Family Sponsorship Program

Note from the Assistant Director

Adoption Movie Night

Paintings from the Disabled School for Children

New Birthmom Blog

February, 29 2008 WE PASSED!!!!

We Were in the News

Hague

Welcome ACCEPT Families