Deciding to place your baby for adoption is a big and life-changing decision. Ensuring you have the right support is crucial for your wellbeing, and to ensure you make a decision that is right for both you and your unborn baby.
Here are some resources to you if you are considering placing your child for adoption:
1) Putting baby up for adoption – where to start
We believe that for any expectant mother, it is important to remember that thinking about placing your baby for adoption is not the same as actually doing so.
Expectant mothers who are considering adoption for their child are advised to research adoption along with other options as part of the decision-making process, enabling you to make an informed choice about your child's future. This is a life-changing decision that should not be rushed into.
By working with a qualified professional, you can decide if adoption is the right step and learn more about what the process involves.
The first step is to reach out to an adoption agency or attorney to discuss your options and ensure you understand each situation fully.
Starting a conversation with a professional organization does not commit you in any way to going through with an adoption for your child. If you ever feel pressure to place your child for adoption, that should be a sign to seek help elsewhere.
Most expectant mothers who do go through with an adoption plan for their child choose adoption because they feel that it is the best possible way to meet the emotional and physical needs of their child.
It is essential to remember that your decision is not final until the adoption papers are signed and processed after the birth. If your circumstances or feelings change at any point before this, you can always review your decision without prejudice, and with support from an organization like Adopt International.
2) Open vs closed adoption
When working with an adoption professional, you will be asked to consider if you want an open or closed adoption.
In a closed adoption, no contact takes place between the child, birth parents, and adoptive family, and no personal details are exchanged. This type of adoption is becoming increasingly rare, although it is the preferred option for some women in some circumstances.
Open adoptions, where contact takes place on a pre-determined basis, are considered to be more beneficial to the health and well-being of the birth parents, child, and adoptive family. Contact can take place before the adoption, providing the expectant mother with reassurance and the opportunity to ask questions. After adoption, contact may continue in the form of photographs, text, phone calls, email updates, video calls, or face-to-face meetings.
3) Searching for adoptive parents
There are a huge number of waiting adoptive families in the US, and there is no shortage of wonderful familes out there.
The challenge with this situation is that is can be easy to feel overwhelmed at the number of different options.
Therefore, often a good starting point in any search for adoptive parents is to draw up a list of qualities and attributes that you consider important. Agency staff can then create a shortlist of potential pre-vetted families that meet the criteria for you to review.
Once you have found one or more families who you feel may be suitable, you are given the opportunity to make contact with them if you wish. Some expectant mothers choose to keep the potential adoptive family updated throughout the pregnancy, while others keep contact to a minimum.
If you found this article useful, you might also find this useful: Find adoptive parents
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If you are pregnant and wondering whether adoption could be the right option for you and your baby, you can contact us any time on (800)-969-6665 or by filling out this form.
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Adopt International is a non-profit organization. We provide extensive support and assistance to expectant mothers who are considering adoption for their child. Learn more here.
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If you are a family who is considering adopting a child, learn more here.
If you are pregnant and considering placing your baby for adoption, you deserve to have a respectful and positive experience.
We can help every step of the way.
You are in control, and can choose what your adoption plan will be.
About us
At Adopt International, we believe it is important that you make this decision on your own terms and surround yourself with helpful, supportive professionals.
We have over 40 years of experience working with pregnant women, which has taught us that in order to have a successful adoption it is imperative that a birth mother is comfortable and confident in the choice she makes.
We are advocates for open adoption. Research shows it is the best kind of adoption plan for birth families, adoptive families, and adoptees.
Words from birth mothers
“I want to thank Adopt International for all they have done for me and my daughter and her family.
They truly know the meaning of open adoption and making it work for us all.”
- Monica
“From the second I walked in the door I felt like I was in a very warm and supportive environment.”
- Bethany
“You didn’t pressure me into anything.
You held my hand all the way through the process and made sure I knew everything about placing my child for adoption.
I am forever grateful for your agency.”
- Birth mother
“Well, I chose Adopt International because the awesome family I chose to be my birth daughter’s adoptive parents were already working with y’all, and when I met with y’all myself, you were so pro birth parent, understanding, and down to Earth in a situation that was straight up madness.
I have love, love, loved being in contact with y’all over time and seeing that you really do care, just like you showed me over a decade ago!”
- Myra
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How do I make this decision?We’ll help you think of all your options, and the pros and cons of each of them. We are always here to listen and sort through your emotions so you are comfortable with the choice you make in the end. Adopt can also give you referrals to other programs, counselors, and connect you to other birth moms or parenting resources.
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What is open adoption?Open adoption is when you choose the family who will parent your child, and you have the option to stay in touch with that family. Often times in open adoption you will exchange pictures, letters, and have visits with the family and your child. If you are interested we can share lots of research with you about how this is best for everyone involved, but ultimately you get to make the decision that feels most comfortable to you.
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How do I pick a family?Families make picture books about themselves for you to start to get to know them. After you look at the books and have chosen a family you can, if you want to, meet them face to face. If you don’t like the first family you meet it’s perfectly alright to keep looking until you find the best family for you and your baby.
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I don’t live in Hawaii or California, is that okay?Yes, we are available 24/7 no matter where you are living. We can work with you to pick one of our waiting families, who are in California and Hawaii, or work with an agency in another state in order to make sure you have the best family and adoption plan for you.
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What happens at the hospital?If you are matched with a family before going into labor we will work with you, the adoptive family, and the hospital employees to create a hospital plan that meet your needs. This plan is flexible and can always change depending on how you are feeling at the hospital. We believe this is your time to call the shots and make sure the experience is what you want it to be. If you are admitted to the hospital and have not been matched yet, don’t worry. With our over 40 years of domestic adoption experience working with women, we are well versed in being flexible, and working quickly in order for you to pick an adoptive family, meet them, and even have the baby go home with them. We can help you fill out the paperwork, or can work with you to get it completed after discharge.
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Do I have to pick the family?No, some of the expectant mothers we work with, don’t want to pick the family, and we are happy to do that for you if you want. We will ask you questions about yourself that help us narrow down who would be a good match for you and your baby.
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What happens after the baby is born?Every open adoption is different because the relationship between the adoptive family, birth family, and adoptee changes based on how much and what kind of contact the birth family wants. Often birth families are in touch with the adoptive family pretty soon after the baby is born, and receive pictures, letters and even have visits with the child. Before the adoptive parents are able to finalize the adoption they have to wait 6 months. During that time they will meet with a social workers 4 times to check in on the baby, their parenting, and to make sure everything is going smoothly.
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What if I am due really soon?Don’t worry. We have been doing this for a long time and no matter how much time we have before the baby comes we will make sure you are supported, and feel comfortable throughout the process. We work with people at all stages of their pregnancy and some women even after they have delivered.
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Will this cost me?No, there is never any cost to birth families. Most state laws allow the adoptive family to pay for pregnancy related expenses for the birth mothers a few months before delivery and 1 or 2 months after. This means any maternity clothes you need will be covered, along with the medical bills, as well as a few other expenses. Every state is different but we can help you figure out what is allowed and what isn’t.
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What if I used some drugs/alcohol?We will find a loving forever family for your child no matter what your medical history entails. Depending on the type and amount of the drugs used, we will make sure to match you with a family who is prepared to raise a child who may have been impacted by drugs in utero. It is important that you are honest and upfront about the drug use so we can match you with an appropriate family.
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What happens if I decide to parent?If you decide to parent your child we are completely supportive of you and the decision you have come to. This is a big and important decision, and we would never want you to feel pressure to place your child for adoption - no one will be upset with you.
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Will my child be mad at me, or confused when they are older?One of the benefits of open adoption is that there are no secrets. Children are told about their past and their birth families. They understand the decisions that you made when they were a baby were in the best interest of you and your child. Also, many birth parents enjoy making scrapbooks and albums that document pregnancy, birth, and the early life of their child from the perspective of the birth parent. We have seen that when children grow up knowing their birth families and are able to ask you questions they do better. They have less confusion, less anger and feelings of resentment and abandonment. Since we have been around for so long we have seen the benefits of open adoption first hand. Children of open adoption enjoy getting to know how they are like their birth families and how they are like their adoptive families.
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How do I get started?Call us at (800) 969-6665 and we can answer any questions you have and send you the paperwork to get started. We can also meet with you face to face if you prefer.
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Do I need a lawyer?No. An adoption agency, like Adopt International, will advocate for you and advise you of your legal rights. That being said, if you want a lawyer we will help get you one.
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If I place my baby for adoption, can I still choose their name?Yes, a birth certificate will be created that has your name, as the mother, and whatever name you give your child (we will get you an original of this birth certificate). With your permission, we will also get an original for your child to keep as many adoptees really value having a copy of their original birth certificate. When the family finalizes their adoption a new birth certificate will be made with the adoptive parent’s names, and the name they give the baby. Often both parties talk about it and decide a name together. Many adoptive parents choose to include the name you give the baby as their middle name.
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How do I know who will be good parents my baby?In order for us to present a family to you they have to go through a long background check, where we look at their personal history, medical history, criminal history, and finances among other things. They are also required to take classes on parenting, and adoption. Then we approve them to become an adoptive family, this is called the Home Study. We find the best matches come when you and the prospective adoptive family have things in common like shared values, hobbies and dreams for your child.
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How will I feel after the adoptive family takes my baby home?Placing your child for adoption is a scary, stressful, and very hard thing to do. You will feel sad, there is no way around it. Grieving is a normal process after placing your child, and we are here to support you, listen and help you cope with your emotions at this time. Many people find it helpful to go to counseling or talk to other women or couples who have been through a similar situation.
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How do you make sure that the adoptive family upholds the open adoption agreement?Adopt International only works with families who want open adoptions and in California you have the option to make your post adoption agreement legally binding. We can help you figure out exactly what details you want in your agreement, and then make it legally binding if that is what you choose. If you live outside of California but pick a California family you may have the option to still have a legally binding agreement about continuing contact. Many other states have similar laws. We can help you figure out the laws of your state.
¿Considerando dar en adopción?
Si estás embarazada y consideras dar en adopción a tu bebé, mereces tener una experiencia respetuosa y positiva. Te empoderaremos para que puedes tomar la mejor decisión para usted. Tenemos trabajadoras sociales que hablan español para ayudarte y responder a tus preguntas.
Nuestras consejeras de adopción pueden:
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Ayudarle a decidir si adopción es la mejor opción para ti
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Apoyar en su decisión de criar a tu niño o por familia adoptiva.
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Ayudar a aprender sobre la adopción abierta.
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Ayudarle a elegir una familia adoptiva
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Informarle sobre sus derechos y a poner en contacto con los servicios que se requieran.
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Asistirle para conseguir ayuda en los gastos de adopción.
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Apoyarle antes y después del nacimiento de su bebé.
Usted tiene el control, y puede elegir el mejor plan de adopción que mejor le convenga
