Deciding to place a baby for adoption is never easy, and it is natural for expectant mothers to have questions about the adoption process.
If you are undecided on what to do next, it can be helpful to understand what happens when a baby is placed for adoption, as well as what the alternative options might be.
Learning more about any of these avenues does not mean you are committed to them. By conducting research, you can better make an informed decision, whatever that may be. It is common for expectant mothers experiencing an unplanned pregnancy to look into different options when deciding what is best for themselves and their child.
To help you through the decision-making process, we've put together a comprehensive step-by-step guide to how to place a baby for adoption:
Step 1 – Educate yourself on all the options
a. What are my parenting resources?
b. Abortion-pill vs procedure
c. What is adoption?
Step 2 – Making an adoption plan
a. Paperwork
b. Make contact with support services
c. Birthfather involvement
Step 3 – Open vs closed adoption
a. What is open adoption?
b. What is closed adoption?
c. Level of contact
Step 4 - Choose a potential adoptive family for your child
a. Personal preferences
b. Initial contact
c. Getting to know the potential adoptive family
Step 5 – Create your hospital plan
Step 6 – Complete the legal steps for adoption
Step 7 – Take care of yourself after the adoption
Step 1—educate yourself on all options
a. What are my parenting resources?
Before moving forward with an adoption plan, it’s important to consider what resources and support you have available in your life and community that might mean you are in a position to be able to provide a stable life for your child.
When experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and looking at options for your baby, it can be helpful to reach out to family and friends for support.
Do you have the support of your family? Of friends? What about the father of the baby?
There are all kinds of community programs, and government assistance may be available if you decide to parent your child. Are you eligible for cash aid, food stamps, WIC? What about local housing or child care subsidies?
When you are making this decision, try and seek out people who you know will listen with empathy and understanding, without pressuring you into a decision one way or another.
Family and friends can be invaluable in helping you figure out ways around barriers you may feel exist around parenting, and this may open up different possible futures for you and your child. Maybe a friend could help with free childcare or maybe you have family that would help you out financially or with housing.
b. Abortion-pill vs procedure
Depending on the state you live in or next to, abortion may be an option that is available to you.
Talk to a medical professional so that you receive accurate and unbiased information.
Make sure you understand the laws in your state around timing of medical abortions, and use of the abortion pill.
c. What is adoption?
If you are at step 1 and trying to understand what adoption may look like and what your rights and options are, you are in the right place.
We are here to educate and empower you and not to pressure you in any way. We can answer your questions, connect you to therapists who help women make decisions, or women or couples who have made adoption plans.
Every expectant mother who looks into adoption is at a different point in the decision-making process. Some are firmly decided that adoption is the best choice for them and their baby, while others are looking into all options that are available.
When making inquiries into adoption, you should be given the opportunity and support to consider other options such as parenting, kinship adoption and abortion. You mustn't feel pressured into placing your baby for adoption - you have every right to take your time over this decision.
Choosing to place a baby into an adoptive family for the good of the child's future well-being and happiness is a hard decision, and it is essential that you feel supported.
As an expectant mother considering adoption, it is important that you work with specialists, who can ensure that the process goes smoothly. If you choose to go ahead with the adoption process, you will need to work with a social worker from a licensed agency.
An agency carries out all the relevant checks on the adoptive family, as well as ensure the legal paperwork is in place to finalize the adoption. They also work with women and couples considering adoption, helping to introduce you to families, accept your legal relinquishment, and provide follow up to you and the adoptive family.
Your social worker can also assist with other practicalities, such as obtaining expenses and connecting you to the relevant support services.
It is important that you carefully select an adoption agency who respects your right to change your mind should you decide to parent or terminate your pregnancy.
As the expectant mother, your feelings and choices should be centered in the whole process, and you should never feel judged, or pressured into any course of action that you are not comfortable with.
Step 2: Making an adoption plan
When placing a baby for adoption, your social worker will help you create an adoption plan.
This outlines the details of your wishes and expectations at each stage of the adoption process and also forms the framework for choosing a family and deciding on what type of adoption you would prefer, and what you feel is ultimately best for your child.
a. Paperwork
Typically there is some paperwork to initiate the process with the adoption agency. This should not bind you to any decision but help them provide you with the best services.
A medical history form is usually completed and a release of information so they can communicate with your doctor’s office and hospital, when you are ready.
Again, none of these forms should be legally binding.
b. Make contact with support services
Your adoption agency will be able to connect you with services such as peer counseling, adoption-competent therapy, and specialist support groups.
This enables you to meet qualified professionals to talk through your feelings, preparing you emotionally for the months ahead. It can also be helpful to chat with other people with experience of the adoption process such as adults who were adopted as children, adoptive families, and birth mothers who placed their child for adoption.
Is anyone in your community supportive of your adoption plan? Again this is a time to seek people who will listen with empathy, understanding, and respect. When expectant mothers are considering adoption, family and friends can help you think through options, choose an adoptive family, and be there to help support you after placement.
c. Birth father involvement
Are you together and is he supporting your adoption plan?
In some states, the birth father can waive his rights before delivery, giving you control to make the decisions.
If you are a couple, maybe you want to sign at the same time after birth?
If you can’t identify or find him, your social worker will advise on the best way to terminate his rights in your state.
Step 3. Open vs closed adoption
One of the main decisions to make in the early stages is whether you would prefer an open or closed adoption for your baby.
a What is open adoption?
Open adoptions, where you can choose and meet with the potential adoptive parents, is by far the most common choice. In an open adoption, you can choose to continue contact with your child as they grow up, which studies have shown can benefit the birth mother, adopted child, and adoptive family.
We know it is common for children to have questions about their birth family and see that open adoption helps them get some answers to their questions.
An adoption social worker should help you think about what common questions children have for their birth families, help you think about whether or not you want to include your extended family, and help you sort through the pros and cons of open adoption that you may be feeling.
b. What is closed adoption?
In a closed adoption, very little information is shared between the expectant mother and potential adoptive parents. You may get some input into choosing a waiting family, but their identity will be withheld, and no contact will take place.
Closed adoptions are relatively rare, but some expectant mothers still choose this option for personal reasons. There will never be any pressure on you to choose one type over another - the most important thing is that you feel you can make a decision that is right for you and your child.
c. Level of contact
Your adoption plan will also include your desired level of contact with the potential adoptive family before, during, and after the birth of your baby. The extent to which you wish to be in contact is entirely up to you - some expectant mothers are happy to meet or speak just once before the adoption takes place, while others keep the family updated every step of the way.
Your desired level of contact after the adoption is particularly important, so you and the potential adoptive family should be in agreement. Many adoption agencies work only with waiting families who are open to contact with the birth family, but the level of contact varies in every placement. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' amount of contact between birth parents and adoptive families - this will vary from adoption to adoption, and must always be right for you and your child.
The level of contact everyone has with each other varies case to case. Some birth families receive pictures and updates via email, text or social media so they can see what their child has been up to. Some birth and adoptive families get together a 1-2 times a year to catch up and spend time together doing something child friendly. While others talk often and see each other 6-12 times a year and become almost like extended family.
There is no right or wrong way to be in touch, but we see everyone does best when both parties want the same level of openness long term.
Step 4: Choose a potential adoptive family for your child
a. Personal preferences
In the months and years after the adoption takes place, it can be reassuring to know that you've chosen the most suitable family in which to place your child. Take a few moments to envision what the ideal family scenario would be for your child - a bustling household filled with extended family, or a close-knit small family unit? Are factors such as cultural background or religion important to you, or would you prefer a family with whom you have hobbies and interests in common?
Potential adoptive families can be found in various ways. You may find waiting parents seeking a child for adoption through word-of-mouth or through an adoption agency. You can search for a potential adoptive family yourself, or enlist the help of an agency social worker.
All potential adoptive families working with an agency go through rigorous checks before being approved for adoption. If you enlist the support of an adoption agency, they will have a list of waiting families that have already gone through this approval process. Each waiting family then creates a personal profile, and a shortlist will be drawn up based on your personal preferences. The amount of information made available to you will depend on whether you are seeking an open or closed adoption.
In a closed adoption, your social worker will select the closest match to your 'ideal' adoptive family. You may be given some limited information, but their identities will be withheld, and no contact will take place.
Open adoptions allow for much more input into choosing a potential adoptive family for your child. You will be given access to a shortlist of profiles based on your personal preferences and you can choose to make contact with any who peak your interest. Sometimes expectant mothers or birth families are drawn to one family and interview just them. Sometimes a few profiles stick out and people choose to interview more than one. Potential adoptive families seeking an open agreement are typically excited to get to know you and form a good relationship with the birth family that continues through your baby's childhood and beyond.
b. Initial contact
Making initial contact with potential adoptive families can be a daunting prospect, but you should take reassurance in the fact that all parties are likely to feel some level of apprehension. With prospective adoptive families, it is important to remember that they are seeking a child to love and nurture. Families hoping to adopt a child are normally very mindful and sensitive to the fact that this may be a difficult and emotional time for the expectant mother.
Contact with potential adoptive families can be made directly, or your adoption social worker can assist you with this. You may wish to speak on the telephone or via video call first to feel more comfortable ahead of a face-to-face meeting.
The important thing to remember is that just because you make contact with a waiting family, you must not feel obliged or pressured into placing your baby for adoption with them. You have every right to meet with more than one potential family if you wish to, and you do not need to make a final decision after just one meeting.
c. Getting to know the potential adoptive family
If you wish, you can get to know your chosen potential adoptive family during your pregnancy. This can be particularly helpful if you are planning on an open adoption agreement with face-to-face contact, easing any awkwardness before the baby is born and building the foundations of your relationship.
Getting acquainted with the potential adoptive family can be beneficial for all involved in the adoption process. The adoptive family gets to learn about the child's culture and heritage, as well as any relevant information that will help them raise the child. Birth mothers, too, can often find some reassurance in getting to know the adoptive family, helping them find peace in the decision they have made.
In terms of your pregnancy and medical treatments, it is entirely up to you how much you wish the potential adoptive family to be involved. You may decide to update them after every medical appointment and even invite them along to your prenatal checks, or you might prefer to maintain your personal space during this time. Again, there is no 'right' or 'wrong' here, and there is no expectation for other people to have more involvement than you are comfortable with at any stage.
Step 5: Create your hospital plan
As the end of your pregnancy approaches, your social worker will assist you in creating a hospital plan. This is your pregnancy and birthing experience, and this is your chance to ensure you do not feel pressured into anything you are uncomfortable with.
An adoption hospital plan outlines the expectant mother's wishes for key aspects of the birthing process, including who will be present and who will feed and change the baby. It also covers details such as when the adoptive parents will meet the baby, and who will discharge the baby.
Your social worker will coordinate with the hospital before the birth to inform them that you are an expectant mother considering adoption. Every hospital will have a policy in place to cater to this situation that should include processes that ensure your rights and needs are first and foremost at all times.
When it is time for the potential adoptive parents to come to the hospital and meet your baby, everyone will ensure that your initial wishes still feel right to you. And if so everyone will work to make sure they are adhered to, and that the plan that you have made for your time in the hospital is carried out. And if you are feeling different than the hospital social worker and your adoption social worker will help you change your plan, ask for space, let the family know you want to parent or anything else you may want or need. Your adoption agency will ensure that you have all the necessary information in advance of your hospital visit, so that there are no surprises for you.
Step 6: Complete the legal steps for adoption
After the birth, you will likely have the opportunity to speak to a hospital social worker who is there to ensure you have everything you need. Your social worker from the adoption agency will also be in touch with you.
This is a good opportunity to revisit your decision to place your child for adoption and decide whether it still feels like the right option. Your adoption team will support you no matter what choice you make, and you should not feel pressured or rushed into anything.
When, and only when, you feel confident that placing your baby for adoption still feels right you will be required to complete the necessary legalities to give consent for adoption. Some states call this a relinquishment or surrender on consent.
How this happens will depend on state laws and hospital regulations, and you may need to be medically discharged from hospital before any paperwork can be completed. If the rules and regulations allow, it is common practice for the baby to leave the hospital with the adoptive parents. Again, you will know about this before you give birth, so that you can feel prepared for what happens and when in the adoption process.
In some states, the paperwork is binding right after signing and in others it takes a few days or weeks to becoming legally binding. It is important you understand the time frame for your state. The adoptive family must also wait for an average of six months before finalizing the adoption. During this time, they will be visited by their social worker a number of times to check on the baby and make sure everything is going smoothly.
Step 7: Take care of yourself after the adoption
After the placement has occurred, most birth mothers experience intense feelings of grief and loss. This is normal. During this time, it is important to access the support network you created during the adoption process to help you process these feelings. Your adoption social worker should be there to support you and it can also be helpful to connect with a therapist. Some find it helpful to revisit your reasons for placing your child for adoption as a reminder of the choice you made, spend time with family or friends, get back to work or school, or plan a visit with the baby.
It is hard to predict ahead of time how you will feel, and it is vital to put your emotional health and well-being first. Sometimes seeing some pictures of the baby and getting an update is really helpful to get through the tough days, sometimes a visit really helps, while others may need more space.
Deciding whether to place your child for adoption is not an easy choice for an expectant mother to make, and we are here to provide resources to all the support and guidance available to you during this time. We hope that by learning more about the adoption process, you feel better prepared to make the best choice for both you and your child.
If you are pregnant and considering placing your baby for adoption, you deserve to have a respectful and positive experience.
We can help every step of the way.
You are in control, and can choose what your adoption plan will be.
About us
At Adopt International, we believe it is important that you make this decision on your own terms and surround yourself with helpful, supportive professionals.
We have over 40 years of experience working with pregnant women, which has taught us that in order to have a successful adoption it is imperative that a birth mother is comfortable and confident in the choice she makes.
We are advocates for open adoption. Research shows it is the best kind of adoption plan for birth families, adoptive families, and adoptees.
Words from birth mothers

“I want to thank Adopt International for all they have done for me and my daughter and her family.
They truly know the meaning of open adoption and making it work for us all.”
- Monica
“From the second I walked in the door I felt like I was in a very warm and supportive environment.”
- Bethany


“You didn’t pressure me into anything.
You held my hand all the way through the process and made sure I knew everything about placing my child for adoption.
I am forever grateful for your agency.”
- Birth mother
“Well, I chose Adopt International because the awesome family I chose to be my birth daughter’s adoptive parents were already working with y’all, and when I met with y’all myself, you were so pro birth parent, understanding, and down to Earth in a situation that was straight up madness.
I have love, love, loved being in contact with y’all over time and seeing that you really do care, just like you showed me over a decade ago!”
- Myra

¿Considerando dar en adopción?
Si estás embarazada y consideras dar en adopción a tu bebé, mereces tener una experiencia respetuosa y positiva. Te empoderaremos para que puedes tomar la mejor decisión para usted. Tenemos trabajadoras sociales que hablan español para ayudarte y responder a tus preguntas.
Nuestras consejeras de adopción pueden:
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Ayudarle a decidir si adopción es la mejor opción para ti
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Apoyar en su decisión de criar a tu niño o por familia adoptiva.
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Ayudar a aprender sobre la adopción abierta.
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Ayudarle a elegir una familia adoptiva
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Informarle sobre sus derechos y a poner en contacto con los servicios que se requieran.
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Asistirle para conseguir ayuda en los gastos de adopción.
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Apoyarle antes y después del nacimiento de su bebé.
Usted tiene el control, y puede elegir el mejor plan de adopción que mejor le convenga